The Raaymakers Family

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The Pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won. 

The Pastor was so pleased with the donkey
that he entered it in the race again and it won again.  

The local newspaper read:
PASTOR'S  ASS OUT FRONT.

The Bishop was so upset with this kind of  publicity that
he ordered the Pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.  

The next day the local newspaper headline read:
BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS. 

This was too much for the Bishop so he
ordered the Pastor to get rid of the donkey.

The Pastor decided to give it to a Nun in a
nearby convent. 

The local newspaper, hearing of the news, posted
the following headline the next day:
NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.

The Bishop fainted.   

He informed the Nun that she would have to
get rid of the donkey so she sold it to a farmer for $10.
The next day the newspaper read: 

NUN  SELLS ASS FOR $10.

This was too much for the Bishop so he
ordered the Nun to buy backthe donkey and lead it to the plains
where it could run wild. 




The next day the headlines read:
NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.
The Bishop was buried the next day. 

The moral of the story is . . .
being concerned about public opinion
can bring you much grief and misery . .
even shorten your life.  

So be yourself and enjoy life. 

Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and
you'll be a lot happier
and live longer!

· Jury Duty is now considered a good-paying job.

· I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.

· I ordered a burger at McDonald's and the kid behind the counter asked, "Can you afford fries with that?"

· CEO's are now playing miniature golf.

· Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.

· My ATM gave me an IOU!

· I bought a toaster oven and my free gift with the purchase was a bank.

· If the bank returns your check marked "Insufficient Funds," you have to call them and ask if they meant you or them.

· McDonald's is now selling the 1/4 Ouncer.

· Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned the names of their children.

· My cousin had an exorcism but couldn't afford to pay for it, and they re-possessed her!

· A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico.

· Motel Six won't leave the light on for you anymore.

· A picture is now only worth 200 words.

· They renamed Wall Street "Wal-Mart Street."

· When Bill and Hillary travel together, they now have to share a room.

· One of the casinos in Las Vegas is now managed by Somali pirates.

A Preacher in Florida USA burns a Quran. Afgans burn, pillage and kill in protest. Makes me sick thinking how far behind these people are in the evolutionary process. Then Karzi has the gal to demand US authorities arrest and prosecute this preacher for desecrating a religious book. He has forgotten this is not Afganistan and we have freedom of speech here. If a muslim were to burn a King James Bible, I being a devout Christian would not protest in such a manner. I may BLOG the guy as an idiot, but you wouldn't see me in the streets peacfully protesting his actions let alone burning, pillaging and killing. It is against the law to burn the American Flag. Why? Well 1st and foremost out of respect for our National Banner, but also to prevent rioting. Maybe it would be a good idea to make burning certain religious books against the law as well for the same reasons.  I think I'll do a poll.

Monday Evening February 7th I was at California Family Fitness McClellan Park playing basketball and felt light headed and dizzy. No problem, this has happened before and I would just sit down and relax for a while. Didn't make it to the bench that time. I blacked out and they had to do CPR to wake me up. They said I was gasping for air, I remember waking up in an ambulance on my way to emergency @ Mercy SanJuan. They transferred me to Kaiser Medical Morse, where they did a bunch of tests including a Catheterization. That test revealed I had coronary blockage, which could have caused my blackout as this would prevent my heart from getting the oxygen it needed. Thats why I was gasping for breath. The Doctors gave me a choice, fix it now or later. I may not be so lucky and survive the next one. So I chose to have it fixed now. I went into surgery Saturday February 12th. Quad Bypass. They say my heart will be stronger and I would be faster and stronger on the court in 4 months. The Surgeon said my operation was an easy one because of no complications and my heart & body was so strong from basketball playing. My quicker than normal recovery is also directly related to the strength gained from my playing basketball. So I will be back on the Basketball court in 4 months from the day of the surgery getting back into shape. I don't expect to play full court basketball for 6 months.  But there is also one other thing I would like to point out. The professionalizm of the California Family Fitness McClellan Park team. Specifically Derek Carder. If he had not performed effective CPR on me when he did, I would be dead. So I am now also a California Family Fitness McClellan Park member for life. That’s one way to retain membership eh! Thank You Derek for saving my life. I literally owe you my life. I’ll do a commercial for you if you like?

We see it in the news all the time. Hundreds or thousands of protestors in the streets in protest of alleged US missile attacks that kill mostly the Islamic Terrorists responsible for all the suicide bombing attacks that kill tens of innocent Pakistani citizens per attack. There have been hundreds more innocent Pakistanis killed by the terrorists suicide bombing attacks than the alleged US missile attacks. The alleged US missle attacks target the terrorsists based on ground based intel which sometimes proves to be wrong. The terrorists suicide bombing attacks target the innocent. Yet the pakistani people protest the alleged US missle attacks. We never see them protesting against the terrorists suicide bombing attacks. Why? Because they know the alleged US missle attacks target the terrorists and they are not afraid of retaliation from the US due to their protesting. But if they protest the terrorists suicide bombing attacks they are affraid of retaliation from the terrorists via more suicide bombing attacks. It's a matter of who you fear the most. The Pakistani people have no reason to fear the US military. But they have many good reasons to fear the terrorists.

Just Sayin :)

Author Unknown....

One day my mother was out, and my dad was in charge of me.

I was maybe 2 1/2 years old. Someone had given me a little 'tea set' as a gift, and it was one of my favorite toys.

Daddy was in the living room engrossed in the evening news when I brought him a little cup of 'tea', which was just water. After several cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, my mom came home.

My dad made her wait in the living room to watch me bring him a cup of tea, because it was 'just the cutest thing!'  Mom waited, and sure enough, here I came down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy; and she watched him drink it up.


Then she said, (as only a mother would know), "'Did it ever occur to you that the only place she can reach to get water, is the toilet?"

I found this on the internet, very funny.

Yesterday I was at my local COSTCO buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my dog, Casper, and was in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did she think I had an elephant? So since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet and that the way that it works is, to load your pants pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care, because the dog food poisoned me . I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff a poodle's ass and a car hit me.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.

Costco won't let me shop there anymore.